Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Damn victory sex feels great
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