Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
