forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
