In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
