"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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