He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
