sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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