Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
