My room smells like vodka and shame
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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