I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude i'm inner monologue high
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
