Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
