Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
