I smell stomach acid.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
