i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
