I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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