She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
this is an emotional support booty call
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
