After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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