told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
