My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
only if we run a train.
done.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
