we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
