And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
