Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
