arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
