I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
