I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
