Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
