Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
