just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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