i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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