she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
