New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
