i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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