you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Too much gin, very little bucket
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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