Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
