I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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