you would pick up someone in the library
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She even gives head with a lisp.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
