And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
