You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
