i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
