ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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