Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
