Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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