I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
