I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
