you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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