I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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