I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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