Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
