We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
