I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
40s are totally the cure
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
