oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
