Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just google imaged poop.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
