My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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