Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
